(no subject)

i need a cool job.

if you or someone you know needs one of the following, and is willing to pay me in excess of what i currently earn (not too hard, folks), let me know:

* director of women's center
* dean of student life
* humor writer for the onion or similar publication
* residential college master/senior tutor/director
* lecturer in psychology
* workout video extra
* sports commentator for non-mainstream sports (such as track and field, swimming, rodeo, strongman competitions, candlepin bowling, but not including fly fishing, skateboarding, or any sport involving skinny prepubescent girls, unless i get to make fun of them)
* creative mastermind responsible for naming products
* brownie chef
* person who evaluates candidates to be made over on queer eye
* high school track coach
* women's magazine writer that writes up the column supposedly written by men
* socialite
* t-shirt designer for old navy, abercrombie, urban outfitters, etc.
* psychologist/counselor in an educational setting
* pop culture commentator for VH1
* artist whose talent far exceeds the cognitive capacities of most humans, and therefore it is ok if my art makes no sense and is, in some cases, an aesthetic disaster
* trader joe's ad writer
* ski instructor
* food channel show host (preferably for a show that sends you to fun places to look at and/or eat food)
* ben and jerry's taste tester and professional flavor brainstormer (also would consider positions at starbucks, entemanns, dunkin' donuts, bertucci's, or related establishment)
* dean of admissions (assistant dean ok)
* party planner (preferably to the stars)
* social loafer
* voicemail voice chick ("you have *THREE* new messages...")
* princess

ok. who's hiring?