(no subject)

we got this letter in the mail from one of the insurance companies. no, they're not covering a thing, but they did include a list of things they will NOT cover, you know, for future reference. in other words, "hey asstard, didn't you read through this when you signed up with us?"

the document is short and sweet, but there's something about legal-ese that always amuses me.

for example, this clause:

We will not pay for loss or damage caused directly or indirectly by nuclear hazard (nuclear reaction, or radiation, or radioactive contamination, however caused). But, if nuclear reaction, or radiation, or radioactive contamination, results in fire, we will pay for the loss or damage caused by that fire.

question: if my house vaporizes as a result of a nuclear bomb, would that count under "resulting in fire" or not?

and they won't pay for damages caused by:
discharge or release of waste products or secretions by insects, birds, rodents, or other animals.

the first time a bird craps on my new car, i swear to you, i will say, "goddammit, that bird just secreted waste products on my windshield!"

similarly, the company won't bother with you in the event of:
war (including undeclared or civil war), warlike action by a military force...insurrection, rebellion, revolution, ursurped power, or action taken by governmental authority in hindering or defending against any of these.

what is "warlike action"? how is that different from "war"?

either way, i'll consider myself warned. should power be ursurped in any way, and that ursurption of power damages my property, i should not seek an insurance check from this company.

ahhhhh the joys of owning a home.